im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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