I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
