i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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