): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
