Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
