Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
