watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I could make wine with my vomit
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
