I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
