the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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