you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
MIDGETS
????
Randomize
