How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
