I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
