Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
