just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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