I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
