apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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