It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
