My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
