i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
