I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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