If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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