Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
