bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
