did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
