I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
