dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
