I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I need to stop coming to work sober
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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