My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
