you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
