I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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