imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
