..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
