fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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