I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
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