And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
