You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
