Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
