god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
