I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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