he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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