If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
