i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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