First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
