And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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