I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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