she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
