just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
