They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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