miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
