apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
