fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
