i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
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