girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
