She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
