I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize
