Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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