she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
And then he peed in my hair
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