You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
zippers are such a cool invention
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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