it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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